One Bourbon. One Scotch. One Beer: The Podcast
One guy. One mic One glass. Join your host, "T" and his guests as they share the humorous ins and outs of life. We'll talk. Tell some crazy stories. Make you laugh. Occasionally lose control and share a "beverage" together. Nothing too serious. Nothing preachy. Just one guy. One mic. One glass ....AND YOU!! It's "One Bourbon. One Scotch. One Beer: The Podcast.
One Bourbon. One Scotch. One Beer: The Podcast
The Back-In
We're BACK after a bit of a summer break!!! In this episode, T RANTS about people that insist on "backing" into parking spots in crowded lots. We TRY to give away a trip to Paris, France.!!! A history lesson, as T uses AI to pick the 10 worst US Presidents in American history. T shares some thoughts on Summer. Listener mail!! It's One Bourbon. One Scotch. One Beer. The Podcast. Episode 6!!
Bonjour, mes amis.
SPEAKER_07:Bonjour.
SPEAKER_05:It's me, your old pal T. Le T. Or as they call me in Paris, France, Le T. Le T. Bullshit! Bullshit! There are a few things that my wife Kay and I enjoy more than packing a bag and heading out to visit the cultural diversity that is our world. Well, you're right. We've traveled pretty extensively. We visited most of North America, visiting almost all of the 52 states of our United States. We've traveled extensively through South America and visited some of the unusual cultures we've found there, including Texas and Florida. We've spent time in Mexico, both the old one and the new one. But the country that we enjoy most is Europe. And the city that we enjoy most in Europe is Paris, France. Today, I'm proud to announce that we here at One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, the podcast, and New Rebellion Media have partnered with the Hilton Corporation to send one of our lucky listeners and a guest on a 10-day, 7-night trip to Paris, France. You'll be able to experience the French culture, the French cuisine, the French music. You'll be able to sight And enjoy all the Paris sites. Yes, you'll enjoy some of the iconic sites. in Paris, France. The Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe, the Louvre, where you'll stand in the presence of some of the great French Impressionist painters, Monet, Renoir, and of course, Leonardo da Vinci, where you'll see his incredible self-portrait of his wife, Mona Lisa. We're giving away this trip to some lucky listener today. When you hear this sound effect, Call us at our toll-free number, 1-800-555-OBSB. That's 1-800-555-6272. And tell us what the secret word of the day is. And, of course, that secret word is... Call us at 1-800-555-OBSB. That's 1-800-555-6272. And tell us what that secret sound was. Imagine being the lucky listener to win this trip of a lifetime. And the pleasure that you and your guests will receive when you spend seven nights inside the Paris Hilton. That's hot. So when you hear this sound effect... Cannoli. Call us at 1-800-555-OBSB. That's 1-800-555-5272. And tell us what that secret sound was. Good luck to all our listeners. And now, let's start the show.
SPEAKER_06:It's showtime.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, a micro-phony.
SPEAKER_00:And a phony at the mic. Whoa! Quiet, numbskulls. I'm broadcasting. I'm
SPEAKER_03:broadcasting. What's
SPEAKER_05:going on here? It's one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer. The podcast.
SPEAKER_00:Yay! He wants us to take over. What are we waiting for? Come on.
SPEAKER_05:Viva
SPEAKER_03:la France.
SPEAKER_07:Yes,
SPEAKER_05:here we are. We're back again. Did you miss me? It's tea. It's one bourbon, one scotch, one beer, the podcast. I'm a few days late getting this show up. Kay and I took a little bit of a vacation. We went down to a beautiful beach resort in North Carolina and spent the week with Kay's family. Every year, Kay's family rents this gigantic beach house. She has a very large family and everyone comes down and spends the week at the beach house. So it was fun spending the week with them. I want to give a shout out to the whole family. We had a lot of fun down there and it was good to see everyone. You probably heard at the opening of the show, we are running a contest today. We're giving away a trip. to Paris, France, in the beautiful country of Europe. When you hear this sound effect, call into the show at 1-800-555-OBSB and tell us the secret word. And that secret word is... Yes, when you hear the sound effect, call in and you could win a trip to Paris, France. We've got a lot to get to today on the show. We're going to do some email. I want to talk a little bit about one of my pet peeves. If you're a regular listener to the podcast, you know that I have a lot of pet peeves. And this is just one more. This is a story about me in a parking lot. Yes, another story about me in a parking lot and how I got myself in trouble again. I also have an idea for a segment called where we're going to use AI to generate a 10 worst list. We've had top 10 lists, but this is a bottom 10 list of former presidents of the United States. We don't know how it's going to turn out, the bit that may fall flat on its face, but we'll find out. We'll also take a few minutes to do some news, and as always, we'll sit and we'll have our drink. So let's get started. Let's take a look at the mail. This first one comes from our regular listener, Paul R., from just outside of Boston. Paul writes, The reference to 76 Miller Street could have been funnier only if it had been 1776 Miller Street. Also, the young woman that snickered at your comment at the spa would have been hilariously funnier if you had said she was a young woman, 17 years of age. Also airing a podcast on the 17th of each month. would be a laugh riot. Of course, Paula's making reference to the long-standing comedy rule that the number 17 is always funny. So, yes, Paula would be a laugh riot. You know, it's difficult enough just to get these things up when I get them up. I'd like to shoot for the 17th and keep the 17 theme going, because as we know, 17 is always a funnier number. I'm glad Paul's listening so closely and heard the reference to 17. We'll do our best to stay with that 17 theme. All right, here's another one from Bonnie in New York City. Bonnie writes, is the spa story real? I work at a spa. And if someone asks me a question like that about your wife's missing toes, I don't know what I would say. I love your podcast. It's very funny. When is your mom coming back? Bonnie from New York City. Bonnie obviously enjoyed the lie I told the ladies at the spa about my wife's amputated toes. But, Bonnie, we're having trouble getting mom back on the podcast. I'm sorry? She's being very difficult, but we'll keep working on her. But I didn't know this was happening. Read her your email and let her know that you're a fan. So thanks for that mail, Bonnie. And here's another one from Billy C. in Filbert, South Dakota. Billy writes, too funny. The news stories are lame sometimes, but that's what makes them funny. Thanks, Billy, I think. I'll be happy to be your new newsman if TJ can't work out as deportation rep. Thanks for the laughs. Billy C. from Filbert, South Dakota. Yay! Billy, thanks for your email. I got a kick out of it. Okay, that's the mail for today. If you want to get a hold of us, if you want to send us an email, we have a Facebook page, One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, the podcast. We have an email address, obsbpodcast at gmail.com. We also have a new website, obsbpodcast.buzzsprout.com. You can use any of those ways to get a hold of us, and we'd love to hear from you. So that's the mail for today. Talking lots, without question, are one of the worst places on the planet because they bring out the worst in humanity. Yikes! A crowded parking lot is one of the most fiercely competitive environments anywhere. Sports arenas, casinos, corporate boardrooms, all-you-can-eat buffets, none of them compare to the cutthroat environment of a crowded parking lot. Even driving on the competitive kill-or-get-killed arena of the interstate highway system pales in comparison to the level of disdain and hatred found in a crowded parking lot. I'm no exception. I'm not excluded. Now, I'm not saying that parking lots anger me to the point of violence.
SPEAKER_03:Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
SPEAKER_05:I'm typically not a road rage kind of guy. But I become the most harshly judgmental, hypercritical person. unforgiving human being I know when I'm in a crowded parking lot.
SPEAKER_02:What the hell is wrong with you? The thing that
SPEAKER_05:really sets me off is people that insist on backing into parking spots. Okay, okay. You're thinking small potatoes if potato size is your preferred measure of minutia. But if I see some overly unnecessarily confident driver trying to back into a spot, tying up traffic, I am absolutely going to say something derogatory. If my wife Kay is in the car, when we see someone vainly trying to back in, she'll preempt my comment by saying, don't. Just don't. We are not going to do this. I usually just take a breath and stew silently, watching the clueless driver tie up the free flow of traffic so that he or she, you ladies are not immune to my scorn, can try to prove to the world and to themselves that they possess the skills to wedge an eight and a half foot vehicle into a nine foot parking spot. By the way, most of you can't do it. You don't have the skill or the ability to do so. I'm sorry, you just don't. Accept the fact and deal with it. But you still insist on trying. Now, the nod is an unwritten social contract between guys. It's a learned behavior that somewhere along the way, guys learn. Simply put, guys learn not to verbally acknowledge each other. We just nod, as I've just demonstrated. Now, there are variations on the nod, and knowing the correct one is based upon the specifics of the encounter. Guys have a sixth sense. regarding the appropriate nod required. Perhaps it's genetic. It could be a gender-specific trait developed over thousands of years of evolution. It
SPEAKER_07:could
SPEAKER_05:be an inborn miraculous adaptation to the human genome. Perhaps it's an instinctual element of human survival. Now, there are two very fundamental variations on the nod. Sometimes it's an up-nod. in which the chin is slightly lifted quickly, and it's accompanied by a subtle micro gesture of the face. It's a way of saying, what's going on? Without actually saying, what's going on? Yeah, what's going on? There's also the downward nod. Now, this can be a bit more inadvertently aggressive, especially if it's not executed precisely and with the appropriate micro expression. The whole thing can be very complicated. There's an art and an intuition in knowing which nod is appropriate in a given situation. Not all nods are created equal. Now, there's also an unwritten pecking order in any situation where two guys that don't know each other come face to face. It's expected that the younger guy will nod first. It's a show of respect to the elder. And the elder will return the nod as a sign of acknowledgement, an initial acceptance, if you will, and even if you won't. That's just the way it is. And that's the way it is. When there's no obvious age difference, an up nod is appropriate, and it can be initiated by either party. This is just how things work in a civil society. It's been this way since guys crawled from the primordial ooze. It's a way to ensure order and prevents the society from from devolving into chaos. It's a social contract of sorts. Yay! Now, I've been with my wife Kay for quite a while, and we've developed a certain pattern of behavior that we mutually understand. Okay. For example... She knows that there are certain stores that I just don't like going into. If I'm forced to shop in one of these places, I make a face like I've just bit into an unripe lemon. I grumble, I sigh, I'll make sarcastic comments. It's just not a pretty scene, and I think the world is a better place if I'm not subjected to that kind of an environment. I wasn't even aware of this particular flower in my character until Kay brought it to my attention. Now, she's fine shopping in these stores. She likes the lower prices. And quite frankly, let's be honest, she's just a better person than I am. She's less judgmental. She's kinder. She's more patient. She's much more even-keeled than I am. These are traits that attracted me to her from the beginning. So what's she doing with me, right? I don't know. I guess you'll have to ask her. Now, all of this preamble is necessary background information for the incident that I'm about to relate to you. About time. Recently, Kay and I were out running errands on a lovely Saturday morning. My wife decided that she needed a few things at one of these stores. Now, I don't typically protest these stops. I usually just wait in the car while she shops. It's easier for her if she doesn't have to worry about me anymore. making faces, and grumbling. I'm perfectly okay sitting in the car away from humanity. I listen to music, or I read, or I just silently watch people and keep my judgments hidden to the world. She leaves me there in the car with a window open and something to drink, sort of like a big, dumb, stupid dog that doesn't know how to behave in public.
UNKNOWN:Bark, bark.
SPEAKER_05:Now, the parking lot on this day was very busy and full. As I mentioned earlier, a situation like that does not bring out the best in people. They become very aggressive and hypersensitive when parking spots are at a premium. Our vehicle was parked nosed in, as it should be. Both spots on either side of us were occupied. The opposing spots were occupied as well. It didn't take long before the owners of the car on my left returned. There were a young couple. They opened the trunk, and they placed their bags in. And then he walked around, and he opened the passenger door for his female companion. I watched, and I silently smiled with approval. Our eyes met. He appropriately down-knotted, which I returned. The social contract was fulfilled. We could move on. They backed out, and they exited. The spot did not stay open for very long. I heard him coming before I saw him. A deep, rhythmic, pulsing rumble. I saw the source of the sound filling my side view mirror. It moved slowly along the aisle behind my vehicle, like a giant black beast stalking its prey, and it disappeared from my view. Perhaps the operator did not see the spot to my left. I imagine that the driver must have seen a more appropriate spot further down the aisle. I heard the deep rumble continue. And then its rhythm increased. And then I saw the rear side panel return into my mirror. The reality struck me as though I'd been whacked on the back of the head with a rolled up newspaper like a bad dog. Dear God, I thought the driver was going to back in. The rumble continued, and I saw the beast's brake lights come on. It stopped, and then pulled forward a bit. It was a hesitation. A repositioning, I suppose. The aisle was blocked. All the traffic had stopped moving as the beast realigned for its first real attempt at occupying the spot. The backup lights came on again and the rear of the pickup truck approached. I saw that the truck was patriotically appointed. There were two sizable American flags on posts extending from the state pockets on either side of the cab. I'm sure that these star-spangled banners were intended to snap to attention and proudly proclaim the driver's dedication to democracy as he toured on the highways and byways of the good old USA. The window was adorned with a couple of bumper stickers. One was an angry-looking bald eagle with arrows in one of its talons and some other sort of projectile in the other. Behind this magnificent bird was a red, white, and blue USA in a shiny silvery material. The other sticker was an American flag waving in some implied breeze. Below the flags were the words, These colors don't run. Upon reading the message, I thought to myself, they don't run or back up very well either. I chuckled to myself at my cleverness. Good dog. Also on the rear window were five large red, white, and blue letters, which absolutely shouted without question the driver's unwavering support of our current commander-in-chief. There you go, team, making judgments together. Look, all I knew was all this showy patriotism had to be making it difficult for the driver to see out of the rear window. Then I recalled that technology had actually done away with the need for the operator to look out the rear window at all. The operator didn't even have to know how to drive. He was obviously using a backup camera to facilitate his mission. If that was the case, technology was failing badly. The operator of the beast was moving into the spot, somewhat askew, and headed right toward me. I reached across the seat and tapped the horn. I did not lean on it. I swear. I did not lean on it. It was one short beep. The brake lights came on. The beast lurched to a stop. I saw the driver look at me through the side view mirror. Well, I saw some of the driver. I saw the top of his head and his eyes.
SPEAKER_06:Yikes!
SPEAKER_05:He pulled forward again, and I heard the other cars in the aisle leaning on their horns as the beast continued to tie up the full traffic. The driver seemed unaffected by the inconvenience he was generating. I suppose when you're navigating the world's biggest pickup truck in a jam-packing lot, you don't worry about whose day you're disrupting. I mean, size matters, right? So he lined up for another shot. This time I noticed that below his massive chrome step-up bumper, he had the most massively imposing trailer hitch that I've ever seen. Ah! This thing was ready for some serious towing. It was mounted well below the level of the bumper with a big chrome ball that protruded upward. The whole thing was sticking out a good two feet from the bumper. Now, I don't know what he was planning on pulling, but from all indications, that event had not yet occurred. The bumper hitch was as pristine and shiny and clean as the rest of the beast. The horns continued to sound as he began his third pass at the spot. This time he was quite a bit further to the right, very close to the small blue Toyota on the right-hand side. He moved slowly but steadily. I knew he had to be closer on the other side because he was a full three feet from me. I saw him look quickly in his mirror. The top of his head and his eyes were visible in the glass. I saw him look to his right and make a sudden jerk back. And then he stopped. Again. I heard him shift the transmission into park. The engine continued to rumble as the truck sat partially in the spot. The driver's door popped open. I saw two short legs swing out as his feet rested on the bottom of the door. The driver jumped out. No, I mean he literally jumped out. It had to be two and a half feet from the bottom of his feet to the ground. Don't! It was like watching a child jump down from daddy's big truck. The guy was tiny. Maybe he was five foot four. Maybe. It was obvious that the guy spent a lot of time in the gym. He was muscular. He had very large arms for a little guy. The shirt he wore was tighter than it needed to be. And naturally, the shirt featured the same prominent five letters that adored his rear window. There you go, T. More judgments. His head was shaped like a tiny little pumpkin. Tiny little eyes. Tiny little nose. Tiny little ears. Everything was proportionately tiny. His hair was neatly trimmed and in that same kind of haircut that you see on a newly hired cop or an overly gung-ho military guy. It was a buzz cut on the sides with a tiny little oval-shaped divot on the top. Adorable. He eventually found his way to the ground and our eyes locked. He was obviously younger than me. The downward nod rule was obviously called for here. Shockingly, the nod never materialized. There was no acknowledgement. A social contract was violated. He turned, and with tiny little steps, he walked around to the rear of the beast and looked at the situation on the other side. Now, I knew what he was going to find. I smiled inwardly and continued to enjoy the show. He came walking back around to the driver's side door. I couldn't wait to watch him climb back in. I'm sorry. Sometimes I just can't help myself. He did not disappoint. He hopped up on the sideboard and he placed his hands on the seat to help hoist himself up. I was tempted to offer him a boost, but I refrained. He shifted the urban assault vehicle into drive and pulled forward. Again, the horns sounded. Again, he realigned and began backing up. Again. He moved quickly, and this time his aim was true. He was perfectly centered in the spot. The beast continued to move backwards, appropriately spaced between my vehicle and the blue Toyota on the other side. Then I heard a pop. It was the sound of plastic cracking and breaking. My head spun forward. The tiny little driver had backed in too deeply. The massive industrial-strength trailer hitch had crushed the plastic nose of the Nissan parked in the aisle behind it. I reached across, and this time I leaned on my horn. The beast lurched to a stop, but not before the trailer hitch was firmly lodged in the plastic nose of the red Nissan. I saw the driver's side door of the pickup swing open. Once again. The driver hopped to the ground. Once again. Our eyes locked. Once again. No nod. No acknowledgement of any time. You dick! I had a feeling that this situation was not going to end well. So naturally, I decided to insert myself into the mix. Just as the tiny little driver had inserted his trailer hitch into the nose of the Nissan. He got out and assessed the damage, and I stood and watched. He jumped on the tongue of the trailer hitch, I assumed to facilitate some kind of extraction. There was no movement. The two vehicles were locked together. I offered my assistant, saying, is there something I can do to help? He snapped back, no. He continued to manipulate the trailer hitch as I stood to the side and observed. Then he looked at me aggressively and said, are you going to say anything? He stood his ground, arms crossed, biceps bulging. I knew what his intention was. I knew what he meant. He was going to drive the beast forward, exact whatever additional damage needed to be done and leave the scene. So when he said, are you going to say anything? My answer was short and to the point. I said, aren't you? And with that, I took out my phone and took a picture of the damaged Nissan with the trailer hitch embedded in the nose. I took a picture of the rear window of the beast, but most importantly, I took a picture of the truck's license plate. The little guy was absolutely livid. Now, tiny guys... are pretty funny when they get bad. They walk faster, their arm motions become exaggerated, their voices become high and squeaky. He made a move toward me, but he stopped, obviously realizing the reality of the situation. He jumped back into his truck. I worried for a second because what if this little puck wedgie has a gun? Shit, if this little asshole shot me, I know Kay would think it was my fault. That idea concerned me more than the thought of being shot by my friend Rumpelstiltskin. He sat there in the truck. The gun, fortunately, never materialized. But as the traffic in the aisle briefly abated, I heard the truck start up. As expected, he shifted the truck into gear, and at the first opportunity, he pulled out of the spot. The nose of the Nissan popped and snapped as the trailer hit its chorus-wave brake. I took another picture. The truck exited the spot and I presume headed out of the parking lot. Now, I'm a big believer in karma. About five minutes later, a police car with two local officers drove down the aisle behind me. I got out of my car and I flagged them down. They stopped and I related to them the events that had transpired. I showed them the damaged Nissan and most importantly, I showed them the photos on my phone, including the license number of the offending truck. They took the necessary information. Now, Kay was still inside the store. So I got back into my car and I patted myself on the back of being so honest and helpful. Yes, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Good dog. Good boy, T. About ten minutes later, a guy about my age appeared at the driver's side door of the Nissan. Yes, indeed, karma is a very powerful force. Perhaps even more powerful than that bullshit from Star Wars. The force will be with you. Take that, George Lucas. Always. I got out of my car and I walked over to the guy, and we exchanged downward nods. He understood the process. I said hello, and I showed him the damage to the front of his car. He shook his head in mild annoyance. He shrugged, poked at the damage, and then he walked around to the back of his car and produced a roll of silver duct tape. Just an aside, guys our age always have a roll of duct tape handy. And we also have a ball of twine or rope or wire in our possession at all times. As I helped him make a temporary repair to his car, I showed him the pictures on my phone. I also told him that I had the opportunity to report the incident to the local police and I showed them the photos on my phone. We figured out how to get the pictures from my phone onto his phone and I shared my contact information with him in the event that he needed a statement for his insurance. We finished patching up the front of the car, we shook hands, and he thanked me. We exchanged downward nods, and he backed from the spot. Again, I climbed back into my car, feeling pretty good about myself. Someone should have been there to give me a crook like a good dog. Eventually, Kay returned with a shopping cart full of things that we didn't know we needed, and I met her at the back of the cart. She apologized for taking so long. I kissed her, and I said, no big deal. As I've said here before much too often, I'm a great husband, and Kay can take all the time she needs. I always find things to keep me amused. And how? You can say that again. We loaded the car and we hopped in for the short drive home. I sat quietly with a slightly smug smile on my face. Kay knew by my silence that something had happened. And she looked at me and she said, All right, what did you do? I said, Why do you always assume that I've done something?
UNKNOWN:Don't!
SPEAKER_05:And she said, This is not my first day here, which she seems to say a lot. What did you do? So I came clean and I told her about the beast and about the back end. And I told her about the destruction brought on by the giant trailer hitch. I told her about the tiny little driver and his funny little haircut. I told her about the photos and the police and the guy in the Nissan with the smashed in nose. The nose of the car, not that nose of the guy. I told her about helping my new friend fix his car with duct tape. She listened as she always does, and she shook her head. She said, why is it that I can never leave you alone without you getting into some kind of trouble? I shrugged. I said, trouble is my middle name. I'm just a magnet for misadventure. I'm a rebel, Dottie. Paraphrasing an old line from a Kiwi Herman movie. We headed to the exit of the parking lot. The traffic was still heavy and slow. There were cars trying to back into the spots, which only made things worse. Kay saw me looking judgmentally at the backer-inners, and she read my mind, and she said, don't. We are not doing this. I laughed, and I sat quietly as we crawled toward the exit. Then I looked up, and I saw the real reason for the slow traffic. There, just before the exit, was a huge, shiny black pickup truck.
UNKNOWN:Ah!
SPEAKER_05:It had two American flags on posts in the side pockets of the state body. There were patriotic bumper stickers on the rear window and a monstrous trailer hitch sticking from the massive rear bumper. There were two police cars parked next to the truck, which was nosed into the shoulder of the roadway. The front left wheel was facing at an awkward angle because of a large boulder that was wedged in the wheel well. It had a very badly wrinkled fender. It was a tiny little man being questioned by the police officer. His movements were animated and exaggerated. He was obviously upset. Kay and I were forced to stop next to the truck as we passed the scene. As luck would have it, I caught the eye of the driver. He looked right at me. I smiled and up-nodded. He did not return my gesture. He didn't have to. His little eyes said it all. Yes. May the force be with you. Or in this case, just a little taste of instant karma. A downward nod. Good dog. As you heard at the beginning of the show, we're giving away a trip to Paris, France today. Yay! And we're looking for listeners that know the secret word. And it looks like we have our first phone call. Hey, this is One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, The Podcast. This is T. Who is this? This is Jacob. Hey, Jacob, it's T from One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, The Podcast. I see you called me. Do you want to take a shot at that trip to France? Jacob? I'm sorry? We're giving away a trip to France if you know the secret word. This is T from One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, The Podcast. One scotch? One bourbon, one scotch, one beer, the podcast. This is tea. Jacob, if you know the secret word, I've got a trip to France for you and a guest. Hold on.
SPEAKER_04:I'm not finding this podcast.
SPEAKER_05:One bourbon, one
SPEAKER_04:scotch. Oh, wait,
SPEAKER_03:there it is. Wait, this
SPEAKER_05:is a song. No, this is a, well, it's a song, but it's also a podcast. One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer, the podcast. We're giving away a trip to France if you know what the secret word is. Let me think. Is it clipping? No, that's not it, Jacob. No, it's common sense. No, it's not common sense. Those are good guesses, Jacob, but that's not the word. Is it what? Ah. No, I don't think you know what the word is, Jacob. Will you listen to the podcast today?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I tried three times.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I'll give it a listen
SPEAKER_05:because you have a good one. All right, Jacob. We appreciate it. Make sure you tell your friends. Have a good one. Okay, let's try line three. One bourbon, one scotch, one beer, the podcast. This is T. Who am I speaking to?
SPEAKER_07:Well,
SPEAKER_05:hi there, Kevin. Welcome to One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, the podcast.
SPEAKER_07:No problem.
SPEAKER_05:And do you know the secret word today, Kevin?
SPEAKER_07:What? Well,
SPEAKER_05:let's just hold on a second there, Kevin. This is One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, the podcast. And we're giving away a trip to Paris, France today. Did you want to take a shot at the secret word?
SPEAKER_07:Were you ever diagnosed with cancer? Oh, shit.
SPEAKER_05:Um, no.
SPEAKER_07:No problem. Are you a diabetic? Don't,
SPEAKER_05:don't, don't! Uh, no.
SPEAKER_09:Oh, lovely. Do you have arthritis?
SPEAKER_05:What?
SPEAKER_09:Arthritis. Arthritis.
SPEAKER_05:Kevin, we're trying to give away a trip to Paris, France here. Did you want to try to guess the secret word?
SPEAKER_09:Yes.
SPEAKER_05:Well, go ahead, Kev. Let's hear your guess.
SPEAKER_07:How do you spell your first name and your last name?
SPEAKER_05:Well, this is T, and I really don't think you know the secret word, do you, Kev?
SPEAKER_07:No.
SPEAKER_05:Well, I'm going to let you go.
SPEAKER_07:Okay, sir.
SPEAKER_05:And thank you for calling in. No
SPEAKER_07:problem. Just going for lunch now.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, Kevin. Well, enjoy your lunch.
SPEAKER_07:Okay, sir. I'll call you back.
SPEAKER_05:Actually, that's not necessary, Kevin.
SPEAKER_07:Okay, bye.
SPEAKER_05:Goodbye, Kevin. Hmm. Let's see. Do we want to take another call? Let's try line two. Hey, this is One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, the podcast. This is T. Who are we speaking to? This is Angelina. How are you? Well, I'm just terrific, Angelina. How are you today? Pretty good. We're
SPEAKER_00:just reaching out to get you some help with the IRS Fresh Start program, the
SPEAKER_01:bailout program with the first debt.
SPEAKER_05:Well, Angelina, this is T from One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, the podcast. And we're giving away a trip to Paris, France today to a lucky listener. That knows the secret word. Do you know the secret word, Angelina?
SPEAKER_07:So did you have a tax debt, hon, that you needed help with?
SPEAKER_05:Well, no. I thought you called in to guess the secret word to win a trip to France.
SPEAKER_08:Okay. All righty. Are you up to date on filing all your taxes?
SPEAKER_05:Well, yeah, of course.
SPEAKER_08:Okay. And... Okay, have you received a letter from the IRS?
UNKNOWN:Yes.
SPEAKER_05:Well, no, there was no letter.
SPEAKER_08:Okay, so what was the letter regarding?
SPEAKER_05:This isn't a tax matter. I'm trying to give away a trip to France. Thank you for calling. Let's try line one. This is One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, the podcast. This is T. Who's this? The Police and Sheriffs United Pack is having its public awareness strike. And we're concerned about the chaos unfolding in our streets. This is not going well. Let's try line three. One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer. This is T.
SPEAKER_04:Thank you for holding the line. I called you to help you.
SPEAKER_05:This is T. Did you want to take a guess at the secret word? Sorry? Did you want to take a guess at the secret word? We're giving away a trip to Paris, France.
SPEAKER_08:The secret word?
SPEAKER_05:Yes.
SPEAKER_08:Okay. This is the wrong number.
SPEAKER_05:Did you want to take a guess at the secret
SPEAKER_07:word?
SPEAKER_05:Did you want to take a guess at the secret word?
SPEAKER_07:Call to someone else for that, sir. If you don't know, then hang up the call. If you don't know who
SPEAKER_08:I am.
SPEAKER_05:My friend, you called me.
SPEAKER_08:Then call me back.
SPEAKER_05:Did you want to guess the secret word today?
SPEAKER_08:You to someone else, okay?
SPEAKER_05:Bye-bye. Well, let's just move on. You know, every day, artificial intelligence is finding its way... into our lives more and more frequently. Whether it be helping medical science cure terminal illness, helping business operate more efficiently, or doing really important work like sending us videos of cats dressed in baseball uniforms and playing nine innings on their neighborhood ball field. AI generated images and words are so realistic that it's sometimes hard to tell if what we're seeing is real or generated by AI. Just last week, my social media accounts were hacked by someone using AI. Actually, I didn't do anything about it. The AI me seemed to be living a much more interesting life than the real me. Cautious scientists, science fiction writers, and business leaders have all touted the benefits of artificial intelligence and also warned us of the dangers of the rapid uncontrolled growth of artificial intelligence. Me, I'm less concerned about artificial intelligence and more concerned about the natural level of stupidity that we find in our society today. I don't know anything about it. So I thought we'd have a little fun with artificial intelligence today and ask to help generate a list of the 10 worst American presidents in United States history. We've done top 10 lists here on the podcast before, but I don't think we've ever done a 10 worst list. And this seems like as good an opportunity as any to begin. What I'd like to do is use ChatGPT and ask it to do this simple task for me. I'm going to ask it to generate a list of the 10 all-time worst U.S. presidents in American history, considering the following factors. The handling of the U.S. economy, foreign policy and world politics, crisis management, administrative achievements, leadership, and failures and scandals while in office. Now that's all I'm going to ask you to do. I'd like the list to be as objective as possible. I won't give it any other direction than the that I've just read to you. I think this could be interesting. Hopefully it'll be funny at some level, so we might have some laughs with it. So why don't we take this break. I'm going to put this information into chat GPT and see what it comes up with. You can go and get yourself a drink and come back, and we'll see what happens. This is One Bourbon, One Scotch, and One Beer, the podcast. I'm Gene, and I'll be right back. Hey, we're back. I mentioned earlier in the show today that I'm a little behind schedule getting this episode of one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer posted. No kidding. And I have a good reason. It's summer. Let's face it. Once the weather gets warmer and the sun calls us outside, a lot of other less important things get pushed back. Now, I don't know about you, but I've always marked time by when summer arrived. Somehow, when you're a kid, it seems that the real beginning of the year was when school let out and summer vacation began. I still feel that way even as an adult. Summer to me is when the year begins. I don't know, maybe I should have been born in the southern hemisphere where the summer actually happens in January. That's not the way it worked out. Anyway, summer is when life slows down and we can take a little extra time to really enjoy and value life. Now today is pretty warm here. I'm sitting I'm sitting here in the studio sipping an ice cold Heineken. There's some condensation on the outside of the green bottle. I just opened this one up so I can see the bubbles rising up the neck. Nice and cold. It's not some trendy craft brew, although if that's your choice of beverage, here's to you. This is just a Heine and it's good on a day like this. I like my beer ice cold on a hot day. I sit and I sip, and I think back over the summers I've seen, the friends I've shared those summers with, and all the good times that we've had over the years and all the pleasure those years have brought me. But I also find myself wondering, how many of those summers do I really have left? Time seems to pass more quickly as we get older, and I think we realize at some point that we've seen more summers pass than we have summers left to enjoy. But that's okay. I guess it's what the passage of time is all about. I guess what I'm trying to say is that summers are short. Enjoy them as they come. Don't waste a single day, because once they're gone, it's one day that we have to look forward to so today's toast is to summer all the ones that we've seen and all the ones that are yet to come but get outside today and enjoy the summer let tomorrow wait until tomorrow now before the break i went to chat gpt and these are the instructions that I typed into chat GPT. Let me read them to you. Generate a list of the 10 all-time worst US presidents in American history, considering the following factors. The handling of the US economy, foreign policy and world politics, crisis management, administrative achievements, leadership, and failures and scandals while in office. ChatGTP has generated a list of the worst U.S. presidents in American history. We have not changed or altered this list in any way. And to verify this fact, I have on the phone a notary public. You are a notary public. Yes. And do you verify this fact? Sure. So there you have it. Verification that the list has not been changed or modified in any way. Okay, so without any further ado, these are the U.S. presidents who have been condemned by history, scholars, and ChatGPT for their lackluster leadership and poor performance while holding the highest office in our land. All right, so here we go. According to ChatGPT, number 10, George W. Bush. If PEPFAR, the program to combat HIV AIDS, were the main component of George W. Bush's legacy, he would be beloved by historians. What an extraordinary legacy. We talk about the 25 million lives that have been saved by the program and curbed the spread of HIV in the developing world. Unfortunately, his eight years in office left the United States with a heap of dark consequences. He allowed a 90s-era assault weapons ban to expire, resulting in a 20-year spike in mass shootings. His administration also defended torture and violated civil rights by signing the bipartisan and Patriot Act. His presidency also ended with the worst economic collapse since the Great Depression. Ultimately, however, Bush will be remembered for launching two wars. He launched both the calamitous war in Iraq and the nearly 20-year war in Afghanistan. So that's George W. Bush coming in at number 10. Number nine is Zachary Taylor. In 1849, there arose to the highest office a 64-year-old fighting man who was so politically inexperienced that he had never even voted. Zachary Taylor followed a common pattern for presidents in the 1800s. His reputation as a war hero got him elected. Once in office, however, he had no idea what he was doing. at one of the shortest presidencies in American history, dying after just one year and four months in office. Still, his time in office was forgettable. At best, his country boy demeanor was not an affectation. He was a fairly simple man, unsuited for the complex, rough and tumble of politics. Taylor was a slave owner, but vehemently opposed its expansion beyond the southern states. He resisted the Compromise of 1850, exacerbating tension between the North and the South. Conspiracy theories arose, suggesting that he may have been poisoned, possibly making him the first assassinated president. Coming in at number eight, Herbert Hoover. In the annals of presidential history, President Herbert Hoover has not been much loved. Hoover, fairly or unfairly, will always be remembered for his poor response to the Great Depression. He focused on trade, passing the second harshest tariffs in American history. This, in turn, forced countries like Canada to retaliate with tariffs of their own. This trade war did nothing to alleviate the suffering of average Americans. Neither did his tax cuts. The technocratic style of the former Commerce Secretary did nothing to inspire hope in the American people. Hoover was a notoriously bad communicator. When he became president, the Depression happened almost immediately on his watch. The economic crash of 1929 and then the 25% unemployment resulted in years of hardship for the American people. Hoover was an adamant conservative. He refused to lean too heavily, if at all, on social welfare programs. His politics made him seem cruel to the American people. who happily ousted him for Franklin Roosevelt. Roosevelt, by the way, was a genius of a politician when he blamed the entire Depression on Herbert Hoover. So if you're keeping score at home, that's Herbert Hoover coming in at number eight. Number seven, John Tyler. John Tyler took office when William Henry Harrison died only a month into his term. Tyler was nicknamed his Accidency because he was the first vice president to be elevated to office Despite being elected as a Whig, he utterly rejected his party's platform. The Whigs despised Tyler. The entirety of Harrison's cabinet resigned in protest of Tyler's politics. As a land-owning aristocrat from Virginia, Tyler was a state's right champion and a rabid supporter of slavery. When he rejected the Whig for a central bank, they ejected him from the party. When he vetoed a Whig tariff proposal, they tried but they failed to impeach him. After his presidency, Tyler became a Confederate representative. What the hell is
SPEAKER_02:wrong with
SPEAKER_05:you? Number seven, the great Millard Fillmore. Now, Millard Fillmore took office when Zachary Taylor died in office in 1851. One of Taylor's first acts as president was to support the Compromise of 1850. The compromise was a package of bills intended to foster a detente between slaves and free states. Unfortunately, that peace was bought by allowing the spread of slavery into the new territories. What's worse, it included the Fugitive Slave Act, which forced the federal government and private citizens of free states to capture and return escaped slaves. It would punish people who harbored runaways, and members of the Underground Railroad with both civil penalties and criminal penalties, including up to six months imprisonment if they were caught and prosecuted. Millard Fillmore believed that compromise would stave off conflict. While it may have delayed the Civil War, it only acerbated tensions between the North and the South. He also completely sidestepped the moral question of slavery, allowing it to spread, and fundamentally supported the Confederacy by the end of the war. Now please keep in mind as we continue, this list is only for educational and entertainment purposes, so please... No wagering. Number five, Warren G. Harding. As president, he admitted to his friends that he really wasn't up to the job and didn't understand foreign affairs at all. Harding died in office as one of the most popular presidents.
SPEAKER_06:Even
SPEAKER_05:his former attorney general, Henry Dougherty, called him a modern Abraham Lincoln. But in the century since his presidency, A great deal of information has come out about him and his administration. Harding was a lazy president who spent a lot of his time golfing, gambling, and carousing. Hmm, sounds familiar. I'm a very stable genius. An infamous womanizer, historians have recently discovered a cache of lurid love letters to his mistress. The letters were written between 1910 and 1920 and shipped to his mistress in Ohio via the railway mail service. Why should he use UPS? Worst of all, his administration was horribly corrupt.
UNKNOWN:Hmm.
SPEAKER_05:In the Teapot Dome scandal, members of his administration took bribes from oil companies in exchange for favorable leasing rights. We will drill,
SPEAKER_08:baby,
SPEAKER_05:drill. Congress ordered President Harding to scrap the oil leases. A Supreme Court called the leases fraudulent and said that Harding's transfer of authority from the Department of the Navy to the Department of the Interior was illegal. Harding died of a stroke halfway through his term. See ya! Number four is Franklin Pierce. Who dat? Now I know what you're saying. Franklin Pierce. Isn't that the guy that flew the kite, discovered electricity, and appears on the$100 bill? No, that's Benjamin Franklin. President Franklin Pierce was a fierce advocate of manifest
SPEAKER_06:destiny.
SPEAKER_05:Yay! Much of his presidency was devoted to expanding the territory of the United States. We need Greenland. He wanted to annex and invade Cuba, but Congress wouldn't allow it. The world needs us to have Greenland. He was another advocate for the Compromise of 1850 in the years leading up to the Civil War. He vigorously supported the Kansas-Nebraska Act of 1854. President Pierce signed the bill into law amid a storm of protest. The law set up popular sovereignty in the new territories of Kansas and Nebraska and allowed citizens of the territories to decide for themselves whether to allow slavery. Pro- and anti-slavery advocates flooded into the territory, leading to a murderous conflict referred to as Bloody Kansas. The violence was just a precursor to the Civil War. It led to the splitting of the Democratic Party and forced the Southern Democrats to support the legislation. The Northern Democratic Party was decimated by this and left in shambles. All right, hold on to your chairs. Bring the kids and pets inside because we're coming up on number three. And look who it is. Donald J. Trump. In his first term of office, Trump led an administration marred by scandal, allegations of corruption, and division. This was never supposed to happen. Trump was the first president in U.S. history to get impeached twice. Once for abuse of power and once for obstruction of Congress, though he wasn't convicted. Bullshit! His controversial leadership style boiled over in 2020 as he contradicted his own experts during the COVID-19 pandemic, spreading confusion and misinformation. He promoted unhelpful medications and treatments and once suggested that COVID patients should ingest bleach. His administration's poor handling of the COVID pandemic is blamed for the unnecessarily high death rates in the United States. Experts believe that his communications to the public exacerbated the pandemic and its death toll. After the 2020 election, His presidency ended with a rally on the Ellipse, where he spread misinformation about the outcome of the election. He encouraged his followers to march on the Capitol, where they engaged in a violent insurrection. He left office and faced numerous indictments in four jurisdictions for campaign irregularities, corrupt business dealings, national security violations, and campaign fraud. So that's number three on the list of Chad at GTP's 10 Worst U.S. Presidents of All Time, Donald J. Trump. Let's continue on. Number two on our list is Andrew Johnson.
SPEAKER_03:Despite
SPEAKER_05:their wildly different politics, Abraham Lincoln chose the Southern Democrat as his running mate to help unite the country. After Lincoln's death, Johnson fought against the Republicans at almost every turn. After the war, while they were able to pass Reconstruction amendments to the Constitution, their efforts were stymied by Johnson. As a result, he became the first president in American history to be impeached. Due to Johnson's obstructions, Reconstruction efforts to rebuild a more equal South failed. He did nothing to stop white Southerners from violence toward free Black citizens curtailing their civil rights. Thanks largely to the Johnson administration The South entered another century of oppression and racial violence. bears the honor of being the president who allowed America to devolve into civil war. A Northern Democrat, Buchanan believed slavery was an unspeakable evil. Despite his personal beliefs, however, he refused to oppose the growth of slavery into the new territories.
UNKNOWN:Don't
SPEAKER_05:Even before he became president, he backed every compromise that allowed slavery to flourish. During the Buchanan administration, the discontent over slavery led to a growing call for Southern secession. Buchanan did nothing to stem the secessionist tide. When Lincoln was elected, the South made their intentions clear. Buchanan decided that the mess would be Lincoln's problem, doing the bare minimum as a lame duck president, even as the country descended into civil war.
SPEAKER_02:So that's why Jack
SPEAKER_05:GTP has named James Buchanan as the worst president in American history. Politics is very contentious nowadays. So I know many of you have rankings of your own. For example, I'm sure that there are many of you that disagree with a certain president's ranking. Or perhaps you disagree with the inclusion of a particular individual on the list at all. This guy is so genius. Please let me assure you that I've done everything in my power to ensure a fair and objective list, going as far as having the rankings verified by a notary public. You know, I'm basically a truthful person. I have not altered the list in any way. And although some may not agree, many of you may not agree, I've heard many people disagree, Franklin Pierce will remain as the fourth worst president in American history. So there you have it. AI has spoken, so it must be true. That's ChatGTP's ranking of the worst presidents in American history. Before we do the news, let's see if we can give away that trip to Paris, France. Let's go to the phones. One bourbon, one scotch, one beer, the podcast. Who do I have the pleasure of speaking with? Hi, Benny, this is T from One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, the podcast. How are you today? Did you want to take a guess at the secret word today? We're giving away a trip to Paris, France. We're giving away a trip to Paris, France, if you know what the secret word is. Have you been listening to the podcast today? No, I'm not. Well, did you want to take a guess at the secret word? No. It's a seven-day, five-night trip to Paris, France. All right. Let's try another one. Hi, this is T from One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, the podcast. Did you want to guess the secret word? The secret word? Yes, we have a secret word today. If you know what the secret word is, we're giving away a trip to Paris, France. Nobody wants to go to Paris, France. Try again. You don't want to go to Paris, France? Nobody in this country wants to take a trip to Paris, France. What country are you calling from? Who am I speaking with? Where do you think we live? We live in USA, the best country on the planet. Anybody wants to go to Paris, France. Hey, this is T. Who am I speaking with? Who am I speaking with? You said T. I don't know. I'm T. I have a podcast on one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer, and you're on the podcast right now. I've never heard of your podcast. It really is a podcast. I hope you do well. But I've got to get back to helping clients here. Do you
SPEAKER_03:want to try to guess the secret word?
SPEAKER_05:No, no, because I'm not trying to go to Paris, France. People in Paris, France... I don't want to go to Paris, Frank. All right. Bless day and a blessed weekend. Thank you. Hey, T. Yes, Frank. Why don't we wrap this bit up and go to news? No, we've got this trip. I'm going to try to give it away. How many callers do you have back there? I've got four or five lines. Let's just try a couple more. Okay. Hi, it's Steve from One Bourbon, One Scotch and One Beer, the podcast. Who am I speaking with?
SPEAKER_08:This is Gabby. How are you?
SPEAKER_05:I'm well, Gabby. How are you?
SPEAKER_08:Okay, I'm good. Thanks for asking. The reason why we called you earlier, because I could see here it is number one requested. For a free life insurance quote from our company.
SPEAKER_05:Well, Gabby, this is T from One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, the podcast. And are you calling in to guess a magic word? We're giving away a trip to Paris, France, if you know the word. Gabby? Are you there, Gabby?
SPEAKER_04:T, come on.
SPEAKER_07:No,
SPEAKER_05:screw the news, Frank. I'm going to give away this damn trip. Hi, this is T from One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer. Who am I speaking with?
SPEAKER_08:Actually, Matt. How are you doing today?
SPEAKER_05:I'm well. How are you?
SPEAKER_08:Oh, I'm doing really well. Thank you so much for asking. We're calling today. It's just a follow-up on your request for more information about replacing your home windows. T!
SPEAKER_05:Frank, don't. Just don't. Just don't. One bourbon, one scotch, one beer. Who's this? My name is Tim. Hi, Tim. This is T from One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, the podcast. We're giving away that trip to Paris, France. Did you want to take a guess at the secret word? Sorry? Tim, this is T from One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, the podcast. Do you know the secret word?
SPEAKER_07:No, no, I don't know.
UNKNOWN:Ah!
SPEAKER_05:So how
SPEAKER_07:can I help you?
SPEAKER_05:Tim, it sounds like you've got a friend helping you out there today. Does she know the secret word? No. Stay on the phone, okay? Are you still there, Tim?
SPEAKER_08:I am with you, sir, but tell me what is the reason of your call so that I will help you accordingly.
SPEAKER_05:I'm trying to give away a trip to Paris, France. Are you a listener to the podcast, Tim?
SPEAKER_08:No, I don't use. I don't like.
SPEAKER_05:So you have no idea what I'm talking about, right? No, I have never done all these things. Humor me. Just take a guess. Take a blind shot. An absolute blind shot at what you think the secret word is, Tim. Can you do that for me? One blind shot.
SPEAKER_07:No, no, no. No, it's not like that.
SPEAKER_05:T, I'm calling it. I'm playing the wrap-up. Okay. I know what this is. This is a joke. This is some kind of joke. Somebody's pulling a joke. Frank, it's very funny. It's a great joke. No, it's very funny. I'll play along. I'll play along with the joke. Hi, this is T from One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer. Who am I speaking with? Hello. Well, hello. What's your name? I'm sorry, what did you say? I'm sorry, I don't know what you're saying. Can you spell it for me?
SPEAKER_02:I'm
SPEAKER_01:sorry?
SPEAKER_05:Okay, Wadah Taobin. Where are you from, Wadah? Of course. I should have known by the accent. And Wadah, by some miracle, some strange twist of fate, do you somehow know what the secret word is today? Okay, Wadah, for a trip to Paris, France... What is the secret word? The secret word is galooey. Wada, could you say it again, please? Galooey. Wada, I'm sorry. I'm having trouble understanding you. One more time.
SPEAKER_02:Galooey. The secret word is galooey.
SPEAKER_05:Wada, I'm really not sure what you're saying. Could you pal it for me? Could you pal the word?
SPEAKER_02:You're killing me, Small. I don't know how to spell it. It
SPEAKER_05:sounds to me like you've spelt the word Connelly. And that's not the secret word, Wanda. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Roger. That's not the secret word. I don't know what we're going to do with the trip. We have an email address, obsbpodcast at gmail.com. You can find us on Facebook at One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, The Podcast. And we have a website where you can find all of our episodes and give us some feedback, obsbpodcast.buzzsprout.com. So that's about it for today. Wipe down the bar, put up the stools, shut off the light, and lock the door, because Because I am out of here. See ya.